


Parenting Skills

by orphan_account



Category: One Piece
Genre: Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Creative punishment, Facebook, Facebook parenting, Family Bonding, Father-Son Relationship, Gen, Inspired by Youtube
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-01-04
Updated: 2015-01-04
Packaged: 2018-03-05 10:28:50
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,518
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3116735
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/orphan_account/pseuds/orphan_account
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Doflamingo finds a rather "interesting" post on his adopted son's Facebook wall. While many different methods could have been used, the businessman decides to outrageously exploit his son all over social media.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Parenting Skills

_"Is this damn thing on? ...How the fuck-- oh okay. Here we go."_

_Ahem._

Doflamingo took his seat on the plush, cream-colored sofa in the living room. Staring back at him was a Canon Powershot SX510 mounted on a metallic black tripod, just a mere feet from where he sat. His award-winning smile curled onto his pale lips, Doflamingo gave a few minutes for the tiny red light to brighten up one more time before he actually delved in. Being in front of a camera for nearly half of his time, it was his primal instincts to "wait" before speaking. 

Clutched tightly in his left hand was a printed out paper. Doflamingo cleared his throat and turned to stare at the finely print lettering on the paper. The first sentence he saw brought the fifth smile to his face, though it wasn't one of happiness or approval; it was cold, and seemed forced. A tiny chuckle slipped from his lips as he parted his lips to speak, or rather rant. "Coming home today at around," the blond man tore his eyes away from to stare at the clock mounted on the wall, "half past eleven, I found this treasure while fixing my son's desktop. I wished I would have done it sooner, but now I'm glad that I did it at this time, because Lord knows when and if I would have stumbled upon  _this._ "

Doflamingo turned back to the camera. "Trafalgar Law, do you think I'm dumb? Do you think I'm ignorant? Do you take me for the friends you associate yourself with at school?" Despite the smirk on his lips, one could tell that seething anger was boiling within the man's veins. Yet, he still kept his cool. "This came from his wall on Facebook, and to Shachi and Penguin that commented on it--oh, do I have something for your asses." He turned back to the sheet in his hand. "It reads as the following: 

_"To my lazy-ass dad,_

_"I can't stand half the shit you make me do on a daily basis in that damn house. Picking up after you, cleaning up your office and bedroom, taking care of a damn garden you had no use building. I'm just done. What's the point of Violet then, besides you having her around as a fucktoy? If she cooked the dinner, have HER,"_ Doflamingo included emphasis on the word,  _"make it for you, not me. Have HER make you a glass of water, not me. Have HER clean up after your shit, not me._

_"I have to wake up every morning at six to go to school, and then I come back at four because of practice. Sometimes I come home later than that because of your retarded-ass brother whom, unfortunately, is my uncle. And when I do come home, it's always the same damn thing: Law, clean this up for me, or Law, come and fix me a plate of whatever. Do it yourself you lazy old fuck!"_

A chuckle that would make blood run cold slithered from between Doflamingo's teeth. Instead of getting enraged, he was getting more and more entertained; the next few paragraphs indicated so.  _"Do you understand half of the things in which you make me do? All the useless cleaning and shit that should be done by either you or Violet, and not me? I'm not saying that I should just lounge around all day like you pretty much do, I'm saying that it'll be nice for you to actually DO something._

_"Because of this, I end up going to sleep every night close to ten or even eleven because I don't have time for anything else; like studying or reading. And one day, you had the audacity to come at me saying I needed a job; have you forgotten something you old fuck? I WORK AT YOUR DAMN OFFICE AND I GO TO SCHOOL. You think it's possible for me to even smuggle in a few hours to clean up dog shit at some veterinary clinic or scan items at a supermarket? You must have obviously forgotten about the concept of time, which may be because of your limited memory._

_"There's probably a chance you may never see this. Which sucks, because then you'll keep doing the same shit over and over again until the day I leave out the house. I wonder how you're going to be around that time; probably so old and decrepit you're going to have to rely on me. But no, DON'T come to me, or my hospital, and don't even THINK about blowing up my phone with calls or texts. Because I can promise you, I'll never come back around to help your old ancient ass again._

_"Signed by your clearly-pissed off son, Law. P.S: Fuck you for not getting me that medical book by Dr. Kureha and Dr. Crocus. You son of a bitch."_

"It doesn't end there, either. I printed off what your two idiotic friends decided to comment, and boy, aren't they fucking hilarious. From Shachi: 'lol, your dad must be fifty or something to have you do all his shit. why have a son when he can't take care of him? shows you how much he responsibility he has.' And from Penguin: 'fuck your dad too, law. and that woman he fucks on a constant basis.'  _  
_

A deathly silence fell upon the living room. With his hands clasping the paper, he refocused his attention back onto the black camera lenses. The smirk that was once on his face fell into a straight line, and veins were beginning to pop out from his forehead. It took a few minutes for the man to speak; anger had made his throat clasp and kept the words at bay. When he took a quick look at the clock, he pushed out a tensed sigh and returned the smile back on his lips.

"I'll get to your friends in a bit. Lazy-ass, is that so? Is that what I am to you Law? I'll admit; my job is stress-free at times, and sometimes I have to do nothing but show up.  _But,_ that's a rare occasion. I have fresh waves of recruits coming in every hour of the day, and it's up to  _me_ to make sure they know what the hell they're doing. To see that as the first thing you title your little shit-post, it's truly insulting, degrading, and disappointing. Because it tells me that you're an  _idiot_ to what I do for a living, and I know how much you hate being called such. 

"You can't stand what I make you do everyday? Cleaning up around the house are your chores, Law, and you don't have many of them. In fact, you only have, what, three or four? Clean up the kitchen, wash the dishes, clean the living room up and make sure the office is nice and neat. That's five--barely the amount most kids get." He listed these off his fingers before re-clasping them back onto his hands. "You know, it's a damn shame to address a woman as a fucktoy. Haven't I taught you better than that Law? Miss Violet is a hardworking woman that deserves more respect in this house than you or the friends you invite here. You do not  _ever,_ under any circumstance call her something so vulgar as a fucktoy.

"You waking up every morning at six; how cute. I wake up every morning at five and I'm expected to be dress and walking through the doors of my office building on time in less than half an hour. You're late, and what's your punishment? Detention? Missing half of practice? I would actually praise you for caring, or at least giving a shit, but I have to drag my ass out of work nearly twice every month just to pick you up from after school detention. Speaking of which, how dare you, of all people, make fun of Roci. Sure, he may not be the brightest crayon in the box, but be grateful he takes his time out of the day to come pick you up from practice and detention!"

Doflamingo took a short breather before he continued. He glanced at the words on the sheet and scanned for the last sentence he wanted to rant about, which brought a wider smile on his lips. " _And one day, you had the audacity to come at me saying I needed a job._ The audacity? Motherfucker, who the hell do you think you are telling me I had the audacity to do something? Last time I checked, you turned sixteen--not twenty one. Even at that age you respected those older than you. I can't believe, after all the things I done for you, to come home and see this shit on your Facebook wall. It's childish, absurd, and disrespectful. Not to mention lame; but I'm old right? I'm not supposed to even know what lame means, right?" 

He raised up the printout and grabbed a corner in between his two fingers. In one fluid motion, Doflamingo ripped the paper in half, then continued in a vertical form, and then in a horizontal form, until it was little bits of checkered white and black sprinkled to the ground. "Trafalgar Law, you have disappointed me. I've done everything in my right mind to make you happy, and at least make you feel comfortable in this house. So, to come home and see this, you bet I'm going to be pissed. You know, I used my lunch break just to come home and update your Mac desktop, and went about adding the new software just to make it go faster. 

I could have used my lunch break for hanging out with the boys, but I turned down their invitation just to do one little thing for you. And you know what I get? A fucking post on your wall about how shitty of an adopted parent I am? Have you forgotten about that? That I  _adopted_ you? I wanted to form a happy life with you, but then you go run off doing this shit behind my back. Well you know what? Fuck you--that's right. You want to act like an adult and post vulgar things and foul words on your wall, then I'll gladly treat you like one." 

Doflamingo walked up and went to the mounted camera to take it off the tripod. His faded pink casual shirt took up the lenses for a split second before it was raised, and Doflamingo started heading towards the back door of his two-story villa. An audible  _wham!_ of the sliding patio doors was picked up by the camera, as well as the sounds of a gun being loaded. The man stopped in front of a perfectly clean and white Mac, the sun shining down on the back and reflecting the Apple logo. There was the matching keyboard and mouse pad, perfectly aligned with it. 

With one hand holding the camera and the other working the gun, Doflamingo chuckled wickedly. "You're going to owe two-thousand dollars after this, Law. Plus an additional hundred for the program I installed in it. Not to mention the added software, which is about, another fifty." He stepped closer and pointed the gun at the wide black screen. The entire weapon could be seen in the camera; it was a brown and silver lined flintlock pistol, already locked and loaded. Doflamingo's incessant chuckling had been overtaken by the sharp popping of the gun, as the first bullet buried itself in the center of the black screen. "That's for disrespecting me and Miss Viola, you stupid brat." 

The second shot was purposefully off to hit the left-hand corner of the screen. "That's for disrespecting your uncle, Rocinante. Whom I hope will see this video before the day's over with--did I mention that I'm basically putting this up for the world to view?"

The third and final shot was aimed a few inches away from the center. "And that's for being a little prick. I think I still have at least one left... nope, that was it. Well, hope you've had fun on your desktop kid." Doflamingo went back inside, the gun being dropped off at the edge of the mahogany dining table. Rustling was picked up by the camera and carried back outside, where the object was dropped a few feet from the destroyed computer. It was a plastic paper bag with Barnes and Nobles logo printed on the front. 

Using his hand, Doflamingo took out the thick medical book Law had wanted and slammed it on top of the paper bag. He produced a water from which he grabbed inside the house and poured a ring around the book, laughing wickedly as he did so. "Just so you know, I bought this book yesterday and was going to give it to you today as a little gift. You owe me twenty-five for this thing; it was the last premium addition. It even had the doctors who wrote this book signed on the back." 

With the ring completed, Doflamingo dropped the water bottle on the ground and grabbed a lighter from his pockets. He pressed down on the switch, the flame visible in the camera. "So long to that, right? Here's your last view of it before it's burned to straight hell." He pressed the flame up at the corner of the book, and watched as the reddish orange flame slowly made its way to the center. Pages turned from white to brown in an instant, and the blue/gray covering darkened in color. Doflamingo's laughter had started up again as he watched the book burn. While laughing, he lifted up his arm to check for the time and tutted softly. "Well, why don't you look at that. Gotta get back to work.

Don't even think about asking for another damn thing from me again after this little fiasco you put up on the Internet." 

Doflamingo shut off the camera and walked back in the house to leave the book to burn. He took down the tripod and carried both that and the camera to his room and stashed it up in the closet to deal with it later, then pulled out his phone as he headed out the door. He first sent a text message to his brother, who was probably asleep at this time of day. 

_Don't bother picking up Law today after school. I got it covered_

He didn't wait for a reply as he opened up his son's contacts, and sent him a message as well.  _You're not going to practice today. I'm picking you up at 3:15 sharp_ _  
_

A reply instantly came back to him. _Why?_

_Don't question me. Just do as your told. If I don't see you out there at 3:15, severe consequences will happen_

He didn't read Law's next message as he piled into the car. A gut-wrenching smile was on his lips, and followed him all the way back to his job. 

**Author's Note:**

> Heyo. I got the idea from Facebook Parenting: for the troubled teen on Youtube. I know, it's super old. xD But, I got to thinking about how One Piece would have handled it.  
> I used Doflamingo because personally, I like him, and I chose Law to be his son for the same reasons. I ship these two as father and son anyways, so yeah. I think I did a pretty good job on it, being as its my first work on here. Tell me what you think, and give me some pointers about it; I kinda neglected to spellcheck thoroughly, and did so as I typed it.  
> Rated M for Doffy and Law's foul mouth.


End file.
